CROSSROAD(S): not just an awesome Bon Jovi album or a terrible Britney Spears film… more importantly, as ye olde google definition explains it “a point at which a crucial decision must be made which will have far-reaching consequences”
The last few months I have been spending much less time going down rabbit holes on social media and much more time getting lost in pages of books. I have found myself immersed in the work of Caroline Myss. Myss is a five-times New York Times bestselling author and international speaker in the fields of human consciousness, spirituality, mysticism and energy medicine. Like a lot of Spiritual Psychology writings, Myss talks a lot about the need to find alignment with the heart and mind in decision making, much more easier said than done, an ongoing conflict and never more so than when you are faced with big decisions; a crossroads at which we will each stand at multiple times in our life time.
I had always been a hand-on-my-heart decision maker, I believe in trusting the power of my intuition. This may also be referred to as trusting your “personal power” – a topic many articles and media are covering of late (which I think is fantastic).
I feel I sat deeper in that self trust in my early 20’s, be it because of the cavalier cowboy approach that I just felt I had nothing to loose, or my internal makeup at the time was just more of the early-20’s-obnoxious particle, either way, I had absolutely no hesitation on following my intuition without question. The best example I can give of this is when I started the Samantha Wills jewellery business; after experiencing small wins with friends liking my hobby of hand made designs, and then more success with the public interest growing in my work when I was selling my handicrafts down at the Bondi Beach markets every Sunday, I was offered a spot on a showroom wall at Australian Fashion Week in 2004. The spot was going to cost me $500, and while I didn’t think I would actually sell too much (I actually didn’t think I would sell anything!) to the attending buyers, and with only $509 dollars in my bank account at the time, I took the spot.
I didn’t think of the $500 cost v $509 bank balance again after I agreed to it; was that my intuition, or the bliss of ignorance? Whether I knew it at the time or not (I didn’t), I like to think it was the former, and after the 4-day tradeshow I walked away with a book totaling $17,000 worth of orders, and a new career as a company founder. I was 22 years old.
While I was not entirely aware of my intuition back than, or the super power in which it provides, in hindsight I can honestly say that somewhere in the middle of that journey from then to now, I lost it for a while. Maybe not misplaced it all together, but it definitely got covered up beneath the pile of significant business growth, travel commitments, relationships and just… well, life. I don’t even think I went to look for my intuition in the Lost and Found, I simply resigned to the fact "I wasn’t as brave as I used to be", in coming to this conclusion often resiging my own personal power over with pieces of my self-worth & integrity, it might have played out in personal relationships, other times in relinquishing my true creative inspiration – a death wish to any creative mind. It could have been in decisions I made compromising my health, both mental and physical by aiming to be what I thought other people wanted/needed me to be (which really wasn't other people at all, it was ME assuming this), or by trying to escape from the whispering voice of my intuition who had been muffled under the pile of "stuff" I kept throwing on her. I am surprised she was talking to me at all, she probably should have been giving me the silent treatment.
About a year and a half ago I started to sort through the creative compromise, the self-worth and the need I had placed on myself to do what I thought other people needed from me (all of this was a very confronting process to say the least!), and each thing I confronted saw my intuition able to breath a little easier, but after being under a pile of weights in the equivalent of a dusty attic, she needed to take a few deep breaths to get her voice back.
18 months ago, I started to make decisions differently; I started to make different decisions about my health and caring for my body and mind in ways that become a priority, rather than an afterthought of if I could “find the time”. Some of these decisions where easier to make than others, I had to redefine the connotations of what “selfish” meant; this did not come easy to me (and I think it is a challenge for a lot of women)
I started to listen to my body more, identifying its reaction when faced with a decision. I would sit with the bigger decisions, often in meditation, and there with my eyes closed and with my hand on my heart, I would picture what the decision would look like each way, and then rather than just think about each, I would see how I FELT about each. One of the decisions would instinctively feel like the right one to make, some answers would take a bit longer to surface than others, and it may not have also been the logical choice. The definition of intuition is “the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning”, and if I think about it, the only regrets I have are when I, for whatever reason, have chosen to do what I THINK is right, but have gone against what I truly FELT.
So, the past 18 months I have felt shift. Somehow my intuition wasn’t angry at me for neglecting her for a few years, and while it took a lot of inner reflection and work to get back to her, it absolutely feels like the most authentic place to reside. I am writing this article in case you find yourself at a crossroads, and I can appreciate that standing there can be incredibly overwhelming and often necessarily for a time; isolating.
Throughout life you will no doubt many times find yourself at a crossroads where the decision, and as such, the consequence(s) rest entirely on your choice. I encourage you to be brave at your crossroads, and do what you can to quiet the mind, so you can hear what your heart has to say. - SWx