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Samantha Wills

Contributing writer Melissa Moe on the hunt for the elusive female libido.

Contributing writer Melissa Moe on the hunt for the elusive female libido.

My Libido ran away and left no forwarding address. I have put up posters around the area where she was last seen, called in a report and even released the scent dogs. No sign of her.
Maybe she felt neglected. I mean almost 20 years of a traveling husband who when he finally was at home, at times really wasn’t.
Or was it my being so sick, feeling so crappy all of the time, finally wore through her patience and she’d had enough.
No, I think the last straw was when they finally cut out my last remaining female organs, my cyst covered ovaries, when she packed her bags and caught a ride with a Big Rig Trucker across country humming Bobby McGee under her breath.
I have tried sending her signals. Buying flavored KY and scented sex lubes at CVS, booking a trip to a Hotel Spa for Al’s Birthday and even going to the doctor for some hormone patches to no avail.
Now I have little square patches of old adhesive dotting my torso from patch maintenance and upkeep. Having to keep track in my day planner.
No, those days of smoothing almond scented oil over my husband’s strong back and soft skin feel over.
Kissing seems gross and spitty and sex hurts.
Good thing we met when I was a fully hormonal 18 and we got some of our lust out of our system way back in college.
Single dorm bunk beds, with his roommate pretending to sleep above. I remember my knee would catch on the built in bolster cabinet pulling it open and closed as we would move together.
Sex in the car? Over. I can’t finagle my body around the steering wheel, gear shift and bucket seat very well anymore.
Sex at night in our own bed? Forget it. I go upstairs way before him and fall asleep hours before he takes the dogs out, shuts the lights and makes coffee.
Sex in the a.m.? Nope. Up before the sunrises to feed the cat who always knows it’s 5:10 and claws the headboard or plops down by my head to purr as loud as he can while lightly batting me across the face with his tail.
Sex in the afternoon? Who can clear their head when there are so many things to do! 
And then the days start all over again.
Maybe when they finally make female Viagra, she will return home.